Ahhhh yes, Valentine’s day! It can have a meaning of happiness and love for some, and for others, it may seem like a dark day of loneliness. These meanings are often based on things outside ourselves… if there is a special someone in our lives or not, it that person is behaving in a way we approve of, etc.
How do you want to feel? This is a crucial question we all must ask ourselves. All too often, we seem to put the responsibility for our desired feeling on something or someone outside of ourselves. This is a trap! For as long as we see the only way for us to feel what we hope to feel tied to a condition or a person, we are a victim. In the words of Robert Holden… “you cannot be a victim and be happy”.
This is not to say that our thoughts, behaviors, choices don’t impact other people. We are responsible for our own stuff. But the moment I make another person responsible for my happiness or how I want to feel – I have now put BOTH of us in bondage. It will leave you feeling vulnerable (not in a good way) because you need the other person to behave in a certain way, and have you noticed… you can’t control other people. The other person is also tied up because they feel responsible for your feelings, which is another impossibility.
This is the primary reason relationships don’t work out: Trying to GET instead of GIVE. Trying to get a behavior or control, rather than giving love, understanding, support, freedom.
The crucial relationship question we must ask ourselves is AM I A MATCH to what I want? If we say we want to feel accepted and free to be ourselves in our relationship, are YOU accepting? Not only of your partner – but of YOURSELF? We must be a match to what we want in a relationship and then GIVE it away to our partner.
My doctor recently told me that soon I’d be feeling full of energy, “They’ll be calling you the roadrunner!” from my dad’s favorite cartoon of the ‘60’s. Remember how the coyote would chase after that high energy bird? He wanted to catch it and would try all kinds of crazy schemes to attempt to get the roadrunner. He never did make it happen, here might be why: the only way you can catch up and be with a roadrunner… is to BE a roadrunner.
Give yourself your own Valentine’s Day gift this year and make it a year-long, life-long tradition. Give YOURSELF the love you would like to receive. Give YOURSELF the gift you wish someone would shower you with and let the other person off the hook. BE what it is you seek in a relationship. If it’s love and understanding, then give it to yourself and then! give it away to others. I’m here to tell ya, I’ve tried this experiment and it works every single time. The only thing lacking in any situation is what YOU are not giving.
Set yourself free and release your need for anyone else to be different than they are. Put yourself back in the drivers seat of your life. When we drop our blame of another – that’s when life gets exciting! But you have to CHOOSE to feel the way you want to feel, no matter what and let go of our blame or thinking others need to be different in order for us to be happy.
NOTE! This doesn’t mean you will tolerate poor treatment. When you decide to BE what it is you want – to be a match to that frequency, most often those who are making a choice to treat you poorly will naturally fall away from your life. It all boils down to you, loving yourself enough to feel the way you wish to feel. Give yourself that gift my love.
Coming in MARCH!!!
I am teaming up with my favorite coach - Joy Miley to create a one day retreat for women! Space will be limited to 15 participants, so make sure you are on the mailing list below to be the first to know the details. It's going to be an empowering day!!! WOO HOO!!!
Did you know that the roadrunners girlfriend had a name???? MILEy - get it?!?!?!?
Sandy Edie Hansen
I use this space to "Chat" about things I am working through and learning in my life currently. Join me!