As we enter the final month of 2016, it marks the time of year that I take our sales team through an annual exercise of determining our Core Desired Feelings for the upcoming year. This process is very powerful and created by Danielle LaPorte, an inaugural member of Oprah's Super Soul 100, who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, are people who “are uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.”
Danielle's process is what she calls the Desire Map. She refers to it as creating "goals with soul" and the idea behind it is echoed in the teachings of many soulful leaders - who say that how we decide to feel is the key to just about everything.
While we might say we want a thing or a condition, the only reason we really want those things is because we believe we will FEEL better in the having of it. So we can get a whole lot more efficient about manifesting what we desire in our lives if we focus on the FEELINGS we want as a result of the conditions or circumstances lining up in the way we want them to.
So when you look at what gets you to your sweet spot, there is very likely a theme or a consistent feeling that happens when you are there. Maybe you notice that you feel the most lit up and like your true self when you are contributing or loving, or growing.
If we incorporate Tony Robbins 6 human needs into our process – notice that when your aim is any of those three needs or feelings, you have a much better chance of hitting the target! When we aim at certainty, variety, significance – there’s a better chance that we will miss what we are aiming at.
When we think about contribution, I want to challenge you to re-frame your idea of it just a bit.
I want you to consider that your biggest contribution to the world is YOU being in alignment with YOU.
When you pay attention to how you feel and practice self-empowering thoughts that align with who you really are, you offer an example of thriving that is of tremendous value to anyone who you come in contact with. This also applies to a Byron Katie principle of the three types of business… Yours, other people’s and Gods. Focusing on feeling good, being happy and in alignment with who you really are keeps you in YOUR OWN business. This is the only place you have any control.
We cannot control conditions in order to feel better because you can’t control conditions – you can only control how you feel.
Focusing on your own happiness and feeling state also ties into the sweet spot – where you have the most potential to make a difference… ie… CONTRIBUTE. Notice that the Sweet Spot is about really two main points: Feeling good and contribution. OUR FEELING GOOD IS A CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD!!!
So, this process kind of turns the usual way we humans do things – on it’s head. We START with how we want to feel because we know that the real reason we want anything that we want is because of how we will FEEL when we have it. So instead of going for the thing or the condition, we are setting an intention about the FEELING we want. Then we take steps to move in the direction of those Core Desired Feelings (CDF’s). This process is all about EMPOWERMENT.
It’s about taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY for how you feel. This is so empowering because then you aren’t depending on what anyone else does, doesn’t do, says, doesn’t say as a reason for how you feel. YOU are the one determining how you feel – always. And this process of taking that full responsibility just feels so amazing because it’s the only way it works any way!
No one else, no condition, no behavior is the reason for how you feel. YOU are the one who places all meanings on conditions and others. By being fully empowered and responsible for how you feel, you are in your flow! You are in your sweet spot and you are CONTRIBUTING and GROWING which serves everyone you come in contact with.
If you are feeling anything other than love for another human being – it’s because you are using them as your excuse to NOT feel good. And that is dis-empowering – giving away your own power and being a victim. It’s also not in your truth, that’s why not loving anyone always feels like crap. (click for a 2 minute video from Tony Robbins on getting out of a funk) (hint... it's about making a difference)
Another great reason to pay attention to how you feel is that what you give your attention to is what becomes your life. If you give your attention to what someone else is doing to you or what is lacking or blaming, you get more of whatever you give your attention to. If you can’t find love for whatever or whomever seems to be causing you to feel negative emotion – do your best to have detached awareness.
Deepak Chopra describes this as
So back to determining our CDF’s…
We are going to go for the feeling versus the thing or the condition or the goal – the goal is the feeling state. The awesome thing about this is that when your feelings are a match to what you desire – the thing you desire will happen. Hmmmm!!!
When we are our true selves we feel amazing! We get in our sweet spot. We contribute – everyone benefits around us simply by us being our true selves and being responsible for our own feelings. We grow – because we look for the lessons in how we feel rather than looking for blame.We love – because that’s what we all are at our core
It’s about choosing a focus – a focus of how you want to feel. Then taking actions from that inspiration of your desired feeling. Taking action with out inspiration will give you limited, unsustainable results. The inspiration is connecting with how you want to feel THEN take action to move yourself in the direction of that feeling state.
I recommend you get a copy of Danielle's book. In it, you will find a great list of over 150 positive emotions. This is REALLY helpful to get some ideas and notice what feeling states light you up when you read them. Glance over the list and circle those that resonate with you. Then go back over the list again and again until you can distill it down to three or maybe five at the most core desired feelings that you want to feel.
If you have questions about the process or want more information about the Desire Map idea, send me an e-mail and I'm happy to help you walk through it. Our team finds this pretty helpful in keeping us focused on where we want to go and our big focus this year is personal EMPOWERMENT, so this is a key piece in that effort. Taking full responsibility for how we feel is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself and for those you are in relationship with. FREEDOM for you and for them!
Sandy Edie Hansen
I use this space to "Chat" about things I am working through and learning in my life currently. Join me!