Decisions... Are You Focused On Cause Or Effect?

       On a typical day we all make loads of decisions… what to wear, what to eat, which route to take, who to spend time with, what time to go to bed, etc…
       I love the feeling of making a decision, taking action, solving. When I am most alive and lit up it is typically when I am seeing something that could be looked at or done differently, developing a process or a solution and implementing that idea! Being a Creator is a big part of what gets me in my sweet spot.

       The past couple of years I have wrestled with a decision that I THOUGHT I needed to make. Is it this? Or is it that? Am I in? Or am I out? If you have ever spent any time in this limbo land you know it totally sucks the life right out of you. Being the driven person I am, I would much rather make a bad decision than to spend even a moment in the limbo land, yet, that is where I have hung out and caused myself loads of fear, pain, and anxiety.
​        It’s really similar to a time back in late 2014 when I was wrestling with whether or not I should continue with my side career of teaching Jazzercise. I went back and forth, spent many sleepless nights, catastrophized with terrible outcome thinking, painted worst case scenarios, bla, bla, bla. I was quite a mess over the deal. You see, I had LOVED Jazzercise for decades – it was my BABY, literally! I lived, ate, breathed teaching classes, hoping to help others, growing my business. Then came the burn out. I was emotionally and mentally tortured by ME! What “should” I do? It didn’t feel fun anymore, why had things changed so much?
       So, I made the decision to gift my business to my instructor and walk off into the sunset. I thought my decision was finally made – inner conflict resolved… right? Well, not so much.

       You see, I had addressed the effect, not the cause of my angst. I thought my decision was about whether or not to continue teaching classes. But that wasn’t the real decision I needed to make. I needed to make a decision about how I wanted to FEEL, not about what I wanted to DO. I thought I had lost my fire for something I once loved – Jazzercise. What I had lost is my focus on managing how I wanted to FEEL. I was letting conditions, circumstances, changes cause me to think that my the activity of teaching classes was what was causing my lack of passion. The cause was my own lack of being on purpose of how I wanted to feel. I was focused on the condition or RESULT which was outside of me as being the “problem” (victim mentality) rather than looking within and seeing that the cause or REASON of what was happening was coming from MY thoughts about it.

THE DECISION I MUST MAKE IN MY CURRENT LIFE CONDITIONS IS: 
HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL?

       It is NOT a decision about who to be in a relationship with, what to wear, what to eat, which route to take – it’s about how do I want to FEEL and what is best for me? THAT has to be my priority. Once I get clear on how I want to feel and then do what will help facilitate that – all decisions fall into place.
       So how I want to feel is LIT UP!, connected to my Source, full of love, an open channel, my light filled self and in my truth. If I make that my priority and then make decisions from there, easy peasy, lemon squeezy! Robert Holden in his book “Lovability, knowing how to love and be loved” says this…

       I have spent enormous amounts of energy the past couple of years twisting and turning over a decision that I thought I needed to make. Have I mentioned how much I hate limbo?? So I know this has taken a toll on my health, my attitude, my self-compassion. One clue I could have picked up on that indicated I was on the wrong topic was how it felt. Trying to figure it out has felt LIFE SUCKING. A sure sign that I am focusing on something that is not true. When we are in our truth, clarity and ease are natural outcroppings. Another sign that I was not in my truth… I felt the need to find fault in the other person, build a case so that my “decision” would be justified. Justified to WHOM???!!!? The people of T.H.E.Y.?? “Everybody”? My “social self” was screaming at the top of her lungs and drowning out my ESSENTIAL self.
       If I come from the priority of deciding how I want to FEEL, I am being a deliberate Creator and clear on my priority (instead of a victim). I am coming from a place of love and a desire to be in alignment with my Higher Self which radiates out to others in a positive way (rather than REACTING to circumstances and others which is almost never on purpose).
       Just know that sometimes you are going to allow others and conditions to pull you out of your sweet spot. It’s gonna happen friend. You might be feeling high and happy and solid on your foundation and out of nowhere, BAM! Someone comes up and tugs on you with a comment or an attitude and pulls you out of your alignment and where you wanted to be. You end up pulled into their negativity or unloving, fearful place. THEY didn’t do it to you – YOU did. This doesn’t mean you need to kick your own butt, it just means you forgot your priority. Notice that you made a decision that took you out of your alignment and make a new decision. Recovery – that’s what it’s about. How soon can I get back to focusing on feeling the way I WANT to feel? What actions can I take that will move me in the direction of feeling good? In the direction of self-compassion.
       The decision I must make is not about anyone else. It’s about me and how do I want to FEEL. Some tools that can move me (and you) in that direction faster include:

• Appreciation
• Looking for positive aspects
• Enjoy the moment – be present
• Question the meanings and limiting beliefs that cause me suffering – “is it true?”
• Asking myself better quality questions
• Remembering that things always work out for me
• Remind myself that the happier I am, the better things go
• ​Knowing that I create my own reality and I can choose again

       So, the rest of my Jazzercise story… yes, I did “retire” for a year. Momentarily, I thought I had relieved my angst, but I missed the feeling I got from teaching… a lot. Then through the grace of the instructor I had gifted my classes to, and the advice of my counselor Joy, I was able to return and I am again teaching classes every week and back in love with it! When I am teaching class I am TOTALLY in that feeling state that is my sweet spot! I feel full of love, fun, playfulness and I’m just sharing that place of being filled up. It really seems to me that this is the key to living fully – to fill yourself up with what it is you want to shine out into the world. As my counselor Joy always says “Stand in your own light”.  

       You can make a decision and then you can make another one – choose again. It helps though if you check-in with yourself to see if you are making your decision about the thing you really need to make one about. Are you focused on the actions or attitudes of others? Your decision is not on the true REASON if that’s the case – it’s on the result and you are not likely going to get sustainable improvement mucking around there. That’s like if one of my dogs gets sick and I just clean it up, but I don’t address WHY they are sick, I am just glossing over the real REASON for their illness and will have to continue cleaning it up and even worse they could die if I don’t seek the REASON for why they are sick.
       You have to go DEEPER. Look Within versus outside yourself. Not everyone is ready to go deeper, and that’s okay. But if you read this blog regularly, my guess is that you WANT to go deeper. You might just be a little afraid to do it or fear what you'll find if you go all the way in. Trust me, Iv'e been down in the depths and there's nothing down there but light baby. And I promise, it's the same for every one of us.

​       This quote below is a good one... if it's not a clear yes, it's a no, or I would add at the very least a NOT YET.  Making how we want to FEEL emotionally our priority give us inner guidance that will give us clarity and a whole lot more sleep at night. So how do YOU want to feel? How can you make that a priority this week? I’d love to know!
 
XOXOXOXOXOX
Sandy