When we set an intention to feel good emotionally, we start out full of energy about it, clarity, conviction. This often lasts until we encounter another human being, THEN comes the test! It can be easy to get our buttons pushed by the words or behaviors of other people. Have you noticed? You start out fully wound up and ready to stay in your positive empowered zone, and that can all topple with a single comment or lack of a comment from another person. Ugh.
We all experience this. It does NOT mean you stink at staying positive! It might mean that you have forgotten that you are a Creator and you may have also gone to sleep slightly and unconsciously reacted rather than RESPONDING to what you experienced.
It seems to me that we all crave being understood and accepted to a certain extent. I mean isn’t that how most relationships are basically formed? You find another human who seems to “get you”, they understand and connect with you. You both feel it and you relax – wha-la! Relationship is formed. I guess the more vulnerable or in pain we feel, the more we crave being understood and accepted. So when we are focused on a problem, lack, what’s missing, how bad things are – we look for someone to validate how “right” we are. While this frequency match with another human being can give some temporary relief, it’s short-lived, because basically – it’s a bit of B.S. It's not where we want to stay because we want to be our best selves. When we are focused on the crappy stuff it's not real likely that we are being our best selves... YET.
We probably seek this understanding and acceptance from outside ourselves because it seems like an easier route to getting it than giving it to ourselves. Until we do give it to ourselves though, any hit of feeling understood from others isn’t sustainable. The feeling starts to dissipate as soon as we are no longer in the company of those who gave us our temporary fix.
It’s simply inevitable… other people will never fully “get you”. How could we expect them to? They haven’t walked your moccasins, and they weren’t supposed to! They have their OWN movie to star in. I’ve said it here before, and I stand by it, other people are our mirrors. Other people reflect back to you the image you hold of yourself. So this means that if you feel misunderstood by other people – YOU are feeling like you don’t understand YOURSELF. And that’s okay. To put it on other people means you won’t move forward, you’ll circle around on the idea that what is needed is out of your control. This is the way of victim-hood.
Now… knowing this, and living it are two entirely different things. You may know that what you see in others is a reflection of yourself. That what generally drives you nutso in someone else is what you don’t accept or see in yourself – but to take that information and use it to change your own course – now THAT takes consciousness and it takes being DELIBERATE.
As I heard Esther Hicks say recently…”You’re never gonna get me, and my need for you to understand me is EXHAUSTING!” Isn’t that true???!!!! Needing to be understood takes a ton of energy! Here is the best thing you can do; let them misunderstand you and let it go. Choose being in your own alignment over the futile idea of being understood by others. Now, I’m going to tell you how to take this to the next level of the Pleasure-dome… are you ready?
Level 1 – Let go of the idea of needing other people to understand YOU. Focus on Understanding yourself.
Level 2 – Build on level 1 by letting others off the hook for our happiness. KNOW that it doesn’t require one other person or thing to be different in order for YOU to feel how you want to feel.
Level 3 – When other people are not understanding you, accepting you, doing what you think they should, etc… LOVE THEM ANYWAY.
Yes, it is totally possible to let go IN LOVE. No blame, no negativity, no trying to control… just love them and stay in your own light. Care more about how you WANT TO FEEL than being “right”, justified, or what someone else is doing or not doing. To focus there is kind of like being on a game show called "Who's the biggest victim??!?!??" “I love you and I release you” is a great mantra for level 3. Try this mantra rather than re-telling the story over and over again of how other people don't seem to understand you. It's kind of amazing how it transforms you back to your path of feeling good.
As you can see, the three levels in my plan get increasingly more difficult! What this boils down to is caring about how you feel. Not letting circumstances, behaviors, stuff outside of you determine how you feel. That is to be at EFFECT of the world. Being a Creator is about being at CAUSE.
Here is my metaphor for this… it’s very much like being a light house. Like the quote below from Anne Lamott - you don’t go out trying to get ships to come to you and understand what you do – you just stand there shining. Beaming out your love, staying true to yourself and how you want to feel. The storms come, it gets scary and dark and you just keep shining your inner light. And in this metaphor, the more you shine that light, the brighter it gets till pretty soon it engulfs everything around you and you don’t even notice that there are people who don’t “get you”. It’s a non-issue because you are hooked up to your Source and focused on staying there because it feels so dang amazing! You are so busy just enjoying shining that you forget about needing to be understood and accepted by others. If ships choose not to like your light - you don't judge them for that because it simply doesn't change the fact that you are gonna shine baby! It's what you came here to do!
Take other people’s experience of you out of the equation. You can’t control that – AT ALL! You can live the life of a saint and there will be those who judge you and find fault. It’s a game for playing small and you aren’t here to play small my friend. Make your own understanding of yourself and the acceptance of yourself the non-negotiable view on your life. Then get deliberate about how you want to feel and don’t let anything dim your light. We are all depending on you to shine and you’re right on track!!!
Sandy Edie Hansen
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